Why “Just Let It Go” is the Worst Advice After Betrayal
Why Real Healing Comes from Facing the Pain, Not Burying It
If you’ve experienced betrayal, you’ve likely heard it: “Just let it go.”
People say it with a tone that suggests it’s easy, as if moving on is just a matter of flipping a switch.
But here’s the truth—they don’t understand.
Letting go isn’t a quick fix or a shortcut to peace.
When trust is shattered, “just let it go” does nothing to address the hurt or rebuild the pieces.
Let’s talk about why this advice falls short and how real healing after betrayal requires something much deeper than letting go.
Why “Letting Go” Isn’t a Solution for Betrayal
Betrayal isn’t just a minor offense; it’s a violation of trust that shakes the very foundation of your relationship and your sense of security.
When people suggest letting it go, they overlook the complexity of betrayal—the anger, the confusion, the sense of being utterly blindsided.
They act like forgiveness and peace are things you can simply choose to have.
But true healing? That takes time, introspection, and a willingness to confront the pain, not push it aside.
Letting go might sound like freedom, but forcing it too soon is just another way to suppress your feelings.
Every betrayal leaves a mark, and it deserves to be acknowledged, not swept under the rug for the sake of appearing “okay.”
Real healing isn’t about letting go of the experience but finding a way to live with it in a way that respects your own journey.
How “Let It Go” Invalidates Your Experience
When someone tells you to let it go, they’re often uncomfortable with your pain.
They want you to move on, not for your sake but to ease their own discomfort.
It can feel like your pain is being minimized or dismissed, as if it’s just an inconvenience they’d rather not deal with.
But betrayal isn’t just an “inconvenience.”
It’s a deep emotional wound that impacts how you see yourself, your relationships, and your future.
“Just let it go” implies that holding onto hurt is the problem when, in reality, it’s a natural response to having your trust broken.
Healing requires validation, not dismissal.
Every time someone tells you to let it go, they’re telling you to ignore your needs and skip over a process that deserves attention.
They’re telling you to silence your pain for the sake of appearing strong or “over it.”
But healing isn’t about pretending the hurt didn’t happen.
It’s about allowing yourself to feel and process the full range of emotions without shame.
When I first discovered my husband’s four-year affair, I cycled through emotions so intense they barely felt real.
One moment, I was consumed with a rage so fierce I could’ve killed him with my bare hands.
Minutes later, I was collapsed on the floor, sobbing, feeling like I’d been hollowed out from the inside.
Then, just as quickly, a surge of defiance hit me—I felt strangely powerful, like I was invincible, like I could rebuild my life into something stronger without him.
And all of this could happen within the span of twenty minutes. Multiple times per day.
It’s staggering how betrayal scrambles you, throwing you into emotional states you never thought you’d experience.
Suppressing Emotions Only Serves to Prolong the Pain
Here’s the thing about emotions: they don’t disappear just because we ignore them.
Suppressing the pain of betrayal doesn’t make it go away; it simply buries it deeper.
When you try to ignore or “just let go” of hurt feelings, they linger beneath the surface, unaddressed and unresolved.
Over time, these emotions can manifest as anxiety, self-doubt, or even resentment, impacting not only your well-being but also future relationships.
Holding in your pain is like trying to put a lid on boiling water.
The pressure builds, and eventually, it finds a way to escape, often in unexpected and even destructive ways.
Ignoring the pain only delays the healing process, making it more challenging to move forward genuinely.
The only way to truly heal is to allow yourself to feel, to release the hurt, and to acknowledge every emotion without judgment.
When you suppress emotions, you’re denying yourself the chance to understand and process what happened.
Healing doesn’t mean pretending the hurt isn’t there; it means facing it honestly and allowing yourself to work through it.
This process is messy, uncomfortable, and often painful, but it’s also the path to true peace.
What Real Healing Looks Like After Betrayal
Real healing doesn’t come from letting go—it comes from acceptance.
Acceptance means acknowledging that betrayal happened, recognizing the impact it had on you, and allowing yourself to feel every messy, complicated emotion that comes with it.
Healing is a process of understanding, learning, and eventually reaching a place where the betrayal no longer defines you.
Part of this healing involves setting boundaries to protect your peace and rebuilding trust in yourself before extending it to others.
It’s about forgiving yourself for any self-blame you’ve taken on and recognizing that the betrayal wasn’t your fault.
Acceptance doesn’t mean excusing the betrayal; it means accepting the reality of what happened and committing to healing in your own time, on your own terms.
Moving Forward: Giving Yourself Permission to Heal Fully
Moving forward after betrayal doesn’t mean letting go in the traditional sense.
It means allowing yourself the space and time to heal without pressure.
It’s about creating a path to peace that’s not defined by anyone else’s timeline or comfort level.
You’re allowed to feel hurt, to take your time, and to find closure on your own terms.
So, the next time someone tells you to “just let it go,” remember that real healing is about honoring your own journey.
You don’t have to rush to forgive or move on for anyone else’s sake.
Because healing isn’t about letting go—it’s about learning to hold your experiences gently and giving yourself permission to heal fully.